Sandwich Shortage Causes Stir-fry
Your daily dose of snark.
Sandwich Shortage Causes Stir-fry
There is a Hospital Woeisme
Its halls are filled with absurdity
When turkey sammies run out
The patients do pout
And from the ED they flee
Wok n’ Wards, the new restaurant at Hospital Woeisme, caused quite a stir-fry in the emergency department last week. The restaurant replaced a longstanding delicatessen, and features Asian style dishes where patrons can mix and match vegetables, noodles, and meats such as chicken, pork, and beef. Notably missing from the menu is any dish with turkey.
A typical food shipment for the old deli would include extra sliced turkey, used to make the ubiquitous ED turkey sandwich. As the new restaurant doesn’t have turkey on their menu, the shipment did not include any cold cuts, and thus no sandwiches were available to hand out to patients and their families. The catastrophic effects of the interruption in the poultry supply chain were immediate and affected the whole city.
An ED patient, after listing off a litany of chronic complaints, asked, “Oh, and can I have a turkey sandwich?” When the resident replied that the hospital doesn’t serve them anymore, the patient reportedly eloped. Two other patients allegedly wrestled over the last sandwich in the department, resulting in both of them actually needing emergency care. A third patient tried scalping his pristine sandwich to a ravenous medical student who’d forgotten to pack his dinner.
A disgruntled patient explained, “There are two things I expect when I visit the ED: turkey sandwiches and grippy socks. It’s the hospital equivalent of those little shampoo and body lotion bottles at hotels.” Word spread rapidly about the lack of sammies, and by nightfall the ED was deserted. Residents wandered the ghost town in search of patients, fighting to care for the few folks who braved the turkey-less wasteland. Interns raided the scattered fridges, hoping to hunt down one last protein boost to help them survive the night.
Meanwhile, across town at Our Lady of the Last Breath, the ED overflowed with patients. The waiting room was standing room only, and a line of ambulances stretched around the block. Many of the patients were recognized as frequent flyers from Hospital Woeisme, displaced from their usual care facility due to the disaster. Their ED became so crowded that they had to go on bypass for several hours. Only when their own stores of turkey sammies were depleted did the wave of patients taper off.
Due to the loss in revenue from the new restaurant, hospital administrators mandated that Wok n’ Wards include turkey dishes on their menu and in all future food orders. Potential patients are advised that the turkey shortage will persist until the next food shipment arrives, which is expected to occur as early as next week.
Want more tales from Hospital Woeisme? Check out these articles!
