Gas Leak Leaves Surgeons in Stitches
Your daily dose of snark.
Gas Leak Leaves Surgeons in Stitches
An unusual noise emanating from the surgeon's lounge at Hospital Woeisme resulted in one of the greatest medical mysteries in recent history. The sound, described as near constant, loud, and varying in pitch and tone, disturbed and confused any who heard it. When investigated, the cause of the noise turned out to be uncontrollable laughter.
After determining the source of the noise, the goal became trying to figure out why the surgeons were suddenly laughing all the time. The abrupt change in demeanor befuddled physicians all over the hospital, including the surgeons themselves.
Many surgeons expressed distress at their new personalities. Cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Savage griped, “This is ridiculous. I'm not cheerful. I'm not jolly. I'm not f***ing Santa Claus, yet suddenly I'm ha ha ha-ing and ho ho ho-ing all over the place. Management needs to figure this s**** out immediately.”
Though they tried, neither the surgeons nor the internists could figure it out. Even Dr. McMuffin, famed pediatric hospitalist known for her expertise in giggle fits and infectious holly jollies, was called in to help. But the case stumped her, as well.
Many hoped the mystery would never be solved. Dr. Sloe, a medicine resident, said, “Now when I call a surgery consult, I know I won't get yelled at. All I hear on the line is peals of laughter. Work has become much more pleasant. I hope they never figure it out.” Nearby residents, and several attendings, all nodded in agreement.
The Dr. House-esque mystery continued for several weeks. Finally, a nervous and soft-spoken fourth year medical student cracked the case. Ms. Sidero explained, “I had to go to the surgeon’s lounge to find my attending one day. I normally dread going there, but when I entered the room, suddenly I felt a sense of calm happiness, even giddiness. A giggle escaped my lips. A giggle! Suddenly it dawned on me: there had to be laughing gas in the room.”
Ms. Sidero reported her suspicions to hospital administrators, who immediately began investigating. Maintenance engineers examined the pipes in the room, and indeed detected a nitrous oxide gas leak.
Nitrous oxide, commonly known as laughing gas, is a safe, colorless, non-flammable gas that is often used to provide pain and analgesia to patients. At low doses, nitrous oxide promotes a feeling of well being and laughing fits, due to its dissociative effect. The gas is also known for wearing off quickly.
The gas leak was patched, and the surgeons reverted back to their usual grumpy states within an hour. Dr. Savage smiled and sighed with relief, “I'm thrilled to be back to normal!” A phone started ringing, into which he barked, “What are you interrupting me about now?!?!”
And what about the medical student who cracked the case? Instead of being lauded for solving the greatest medical mystery in recent history at Hospital Woeisme, quite the opposite happened. Her peers immediately ostracized her, residents tortured her endless scut work, and attendings ignored her even more than usual.
Recently, a rumor swept the hospital that several mischievous emergency medicine residents are plotting a way to sabotage the new pipes. However, the residents suspected of spearheading the plot would neither confirm nor deny the gossip – they just smiled and laughed.
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