Consultants Use Drones to See Patients
Your daily dose of snark.
Consultants Use Drones to See Patients
Consulting physicians at Hospital Woeisme have started using remote-control drones to see their overnight consults. Instead of going into the hospital to see patients, the attendings can pilot a drone into their patient’s room, potentially avoiding a trip to the hospital.
The innovative practice started with tech-savvy Dr. Byte. In an exclusive interview he shared, “One of my passions is racing drones, and I’m always looking for ways to avoid having to go to the hospital when I’m on call, so seeing my overnight consults by drone was the natural solution.”
The trend has caught on with other consultants taking overnight call. On a typical evening, it is not unusual to see several drones flying through the hallways of Hospital Woeisme. Each drone features a hi-def camera and a two-way speaker, so the consultant retains the opportunity to yell at the unsuspecting resident or hospitalist who called the consult.
The hospital has even installed charging stations on the roof of the 10-story building to expedite the speed with which the drones can swoop in and evaluate the patient in question. The drones each have long-distance remote control capabilities, with the consultants piloting the drones from home. To date, there have not been any issues of the drones interfering with the helipad that is also located on the roof.
For unsuspecting patients or a sleepy overnight resident, the whir of a drone flying overhead head can be disconcerting. This is especially true since not all pilots are as skilled as Dr. Byte at navigating their crafts. There have been several collisions involving drones crashing into one another, into hospital staff, or into walls.
One night, a psychotic patient who believed that the drone was a government agent spying on him, aggressively tackled and destroyed the flying tech. Interestingly, Hospital Woeisme was unable to identify to which hospitalist the drone belonged, and was thus unable to prove that it wasn’t actually a secret government drone.
Dr. Byte smiled contentedly and added, “It’s like the good old days, where doctors used to make house calls. Only the opposite, where house call means I get to stay at my house.” When asked about plans for the future, Dr. Byte commented, “One day, we’ll be able to use drones during the daytime as well. I envision a beautiful future where I’ll never have to go to the hospital again.”
Want more tales from Hospital Woeisme? Check out these articles!
