Dr. McMuffin Hired as New Peds Hospitalist
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Dr. McMuffin Hired as New Peds Hospitalist
Dr. McMuffin, the lesser-known cousin of beloved TV physician Doc McStuffins, is the newest pediatric hospitalist at Hospital Woeisme. The young physician has already impressed her colleagues with her breadth of knowledge and clinical acumen, but apparently that is where the similarities with her cousin end. The residents have already been heard grumbling about McMuffin’s less than inviting personality and multitude of pet peeves.
Residents on her team have been arriving even earlier than usual to pre-round, as they know that even a single misreported lab value can trigger McMuffin’s rage. Also, McMuffin will reportedly blow her muffin top if a resident states a patient’s temperature in Fahrenheit, instead of Celsius. And, if a resident or student reports a patient’s complaints using layman’s terms instead of the correct medical terminology, she will go on a tirade about the importance of trainees using “grown-up doctor words.”
An experienced pediatric ICU nurse shared that one day McMuffin heard the ubiquitous song “Baby Shark” playing in a patient’s room. “Well, don’t say I told you, but Doc totally lost it. She screamed out, ‘Playing baby shark in the PICU is justifiable homicide! I better NEVER hear that song again in here.’ Those poor residents, she’s so tough on them.” After a moment of thought she added, “Honestly, I think the patients are a bit scared of her too.”
On researching her time in medical school, interviews with former classmates quickly revealed McMuffin to be a super competitive gunner, ready to throw others under the bus to make herself look good. Her former professors described her as driven; one even used the phrase “pathologically studious.”
One resident griped, “Yeah, sure, she knows about all the rare diagnoses such as tickle fever and sparkles disease, but she’s such a hardass. I got reamed yesterday for asking her to explain the difference between snuggleitis and the huggies.” And rumor has it, there’s more than just verbal abuse. During a dressing change of a patient’s wound, she reportedly threw a roll of Coban at a medical student’s head. The student, hoping to match into pediatrics, just shook her head and refused to say anything when asked about the alleged incident.
Starting a new job at the prestigious and notoriously busy Hospital Woeisme may be triggering McMuffin to be overly tough on her team. Perhaps she will mellow a bit once she has settled into her new position. In the meantime, the pediatrics residents at Hospital Woeisme have quickly learned that Dr. McMuffin is nothing like her beloved cousin. Maybe it’s “Time for a checkup” into how this new hospitalist is running her team.
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